Letting Go Can Be Better Than Hanging On

I woke up this morning at about 0300, the gusts pressing onto the site, everything shaking and heavy rain, with an uneasy feeling. How are things holding up? Especially the new flue installation. So I went outside with the torch, the flue was complete, for whatever reason though, there was a 2kg rock on a solar panel I had put flat onto the lawn. That rock used to be on the battery cover. ‘All right mate, things break, don’t get upset.’ But hey, the panel was undamaged.

I went into the A-Frame to check whether a window had blown out, but other than being a bit wet upstairs things looked good. I secured the doors and went down to my beloved green shed.

For weeks I wanted to tidy up in there. All the tools, the books, the electronic gear I cannot yet use, clothes, MTB, nuts, bolts and man the list goes on. A true shed, not quite suited – as it usually is – as a workshop, but my precious stuff and rubbish in there had saved many days. When I needed something, I went in there first, making sure not to trip and break a leg and then remembering where I last saw whatever it was that I could maybe use now.

Well, the shed wasn’t looking too good. Rivets had opened up, screws had disappeared and a few sheets were dented severely. Not the first time that I had to secure the shed, riveting, screwing, rigging at night in rain.

It reminds me of the first days on my site on the Barrier. All my gear outside, some stuff under tarpaulins, some just getting soaked. In my trained hastiness I managed to also damage my care severely. Have a look: Welcome To Great Barrier Island.

I think it was about 0900 when I gave up trying to rivet two corrugated iron sheets together in a steady wind of 50 knots. You know I learnt here – not the hard way – that when the shit hits the fan, I WILL HAVE TO CLEAN IT UP! It feels awefull, so much easier to call someone and have a cry I suppose and make your problem also the problem of others.

You know what?, there are times when you have to call someone. In other times, it is such a liberation and accomplishment to just f*** deal with your own problem. Even if you don’t know how, never done it before, don’t have the right tool and what not.

Let’s not drift away here and talk about my beloved shed (the place where I stored all my belongings when I moved to the Barrier). My lovely Mom complained that it restricts the views: “That shed shouldn’t be there. You’re better off putting your ‘work’shed somewhere else.” Hmm, I don’t know, rather have your stuff close by than having to run into the bush for the next 35 years whenever I need a tool.

Loose, corrugated iron sheets can be very dangerous in high winds. Praise all roofers! This is another thing I learnt here: “Do not hurt yourself!” So I decided to let go, it was futile anyway, sheets slamming all over the place and here I was with a little rivet, the gun, a rope and the flapping sheets.

So I drilled big holes through them and roped them to a tree. 30 min later and the ropes were slack as. Well, they had cut 20 cm through the sheets. It daunted on me: “Perhaps the time has come to just let go, have a tea, at least it wasn’t dark anymore and just see what happens.”

My beloved green shed. One day, I'll manage to take a picture which actually reflects the wind speed.
My beloved green shed. One day, I’ll manage to take a picture which actually reflects the wind speed.

The good news is, I saw live how the entire shed lifted up and got torn into bits. The roof and two walls flew like a kite into the canopy of tea-trees. There was nothing else to do than carefully picking up all the stuff and relocating them. “Man, I would have been pissed off had I tidied the shed up… hehe”

That's after getting most of the important stuff out.
That’s after getting most of the important stuff out.

So long ‘work’shed, I hope that not too much of my gear got permanently damaged. And Mom is of course right, the views are much better now.

But the good news continue: I didn’t hurt myself in spite of plenty opportunities, my other dwellings are holding up well, I’ll have a fire in my new place to keep it comfy and a fire in the A-Frame hoping to dry out all the gear, and tonight I’ll probably watch a movie, have plenty of firewood, go to a dry and warm bed, with a full stomach and have the whole (rainy) weekend to clean up the mess.

The day will come, my friends, where Ben Island will truly and utterly look forward, be happy and won’t bother his soul with mundane setbacks. You know, there are times when we have to let go, despite knowing what might happen as a result, despite thinking that hanging on a bit longer will solve all problems.

Today, for those who know me and follow BENIsLAND, is a personal reminder that when you feel you did what you could have – allowing for circumstances – and realize that letting go might actually be the right thing to do, despite that uneasy feeling of not knowing what will happen as a result.

P.S. What looks like a yellow tamarillo, but is smaller and is hot?

Doesn't look like a pepper to me, doesn't look like a habanero, but the seeds were certainly hot.
Doesn’t look like a pepper to me, doesn’t look like a habanero, but the seeds were certainly hot.

3 thoughts on “Letting Go Can Be Better Than Hanging On”

  1. You should have listened to your mother in the first place, it would have saved you a night shift in the rain 😉

    Be proud that the self-built house survived the storm and make sure to erect an improved version of the shed with more space and a real workbench soon!

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